Monday, July 22, 2024

Spoonful from a Spoonie- Present in Pain

 Hello my beautiful flames.

As always, I hope you are well. 

What I am focused on this week is letting everyone know my exact pain levels so people can leave me alone. As a black woman with Lupus, I tend to keep all my pain inside and try to remain present in the moment. On days like today, after I've painted a room, gone to the store, cooked dinner for myself & its raining, today, I have to do NOTHING. Even trying to blog right now is painful with my fingers as swollen as they are.

(pause 3/28/23 7pm)

6/29//23 5:07pm

Understanding Level 7 on the Pain Scale: Distracting.

If not for the pain and the pressure needed to apply to items to get stuff done, stuff would get done. But instead I stare at the things that need to be done because doing them is literally going to cause physical pain, not factoring the mental anguish of guilt for NOT doing the things. 

I don't understand "Going to the Gym." 

Right now, there is the simple struggle of knowingI need to go 12ft to reach an ice pack for my shoulder, but not wanting to endure the pain of walking those 12 ft to the potential momentary relief provided by said Ice Pack. There is currently a thunderstorm on the way and all the Barometric pressure or whatever is affecting my body. Its not fun to be affected by things that haven't happened yet. Not to mention that the air pressure sucks and there is literally something on fire around the corner.

Tuesday, March 26, 2024

Terminator 2 & why I don't want kids

Movie review written live on 3-17-24

 3million people you never even met will die at a day in the near future you will see...Gee, thanks intro.

The vision of children my age blasting into millions of pieces of matter whilst playing the play of children, not a care in the world. At the first time going "Classmates, this is US!!" at 6 years old, crying within minutes of a movie opening, a new record for me. 

Knowing that if my son isn't as cool as John Connor, I'll be disappointed. 
Knowing I can't make my son that cool, because I'd have to be Sarah Connor & that's a LOT OF WORK, GRANDPA! But raising my son in the toxic masculinity that it would take (not to mention the human apocalypse) to RAISE JOHN CONNOR.

Knowing I could be That Bitch. But to be that woman, the man, his father, would have to be someone special. That his parents together would burn the world down themselves just on General Principle. His parents, me being one of them, would be crazy people. Cheers to not choosing a fiery death at 26 & avoiding the man who would have given you the opposite of what it takes to be Sarah Connor. Even though that's probably what you need. The Sarah Connor Aesthetic all the way thru, including her tools.

John Connor, the most important teenager in the universe is in Foster Care not listening to his Foster Parents and being such a rebel! But He's learning pivotal skills that will help him in the future.
Scary Arnold Terminator Man
Sarah Connor watching her own previous torment she still believes in, the nightmares she sees every night. Still believes in but knows she must maintain control to GET to her son.

8-29-1997 Living in fear because, what if this date is correct?

Nah, but what if?

Proof of their LIES. But it's okay because its a black man in on the secret.

What about the people in the car wreck Arnold? Just deal with it because  he's saving humanity, right? We just gotta bite that even though we are of the 3million that will die.

I broke up with someone who gave me roses, not in a box, without a shotgun embedded inside. I was rightfully appalled. Sir, do you know what Romance is?

Who was the person in the gold car? The looked like they didn't need more problems. Then the poor man who lost his load, pause, to the T-1000.. A cop stole his paycheck.

The person in the red car who probably stopped driving after this due to the runin they had with Terminator Arnold on the road.

T-1000 is just a dick & we accept that he will stop at nothing so I gotta be Sarah Connor Strong to beat his ass back. This is called Childhood.

35 years from now.. So technically I could be of conceiving age to literally birth John Connor. But twins run in my family.
Oh no! The foster parents!
The double bluff: What is the dog's name? MAX? What's wrong with Wolfie? My dogs will have to be named both to keep things even.
John Connor realizing his own power in owning a Terminator.
Arnold's balance is impeccable.

Me worried about my child being blown away because some kid doesn't know how to control his Terminator.. Yes, I'm a black woman worried about that, at that age.

Knowing noone is going to believe that lady.  She's just s Down Home Gal who still would love a beer with ya.. 

The Same Guy that was there that night you met your baby daddy steps off the elevator in the hospital you are trying to escape from. But now he's on your side? Your son knows this bastard of a traitor?

Cause now a man I don't trust & a man have learned to distrust are now fighting in front of my son who is the 3rd male in this equation & the only one I can trust, although he is a child. My child I raised to be John Connor. Gotta trust him.
Alternately loading 2 heavy weapon in the backseat of a stolen police car. In any other story, this is just some sideline YTTrash Story in the newspaper.

Driving in the black of night, no lights, windows open, like a rocket in the wind.

Learning the story of the man?who showed up with my son in tow & now have to trust? To perform surgery &stitches on me?

Because if my Baby Daddy isn't Terminator Arnold, I don't want him.

Wanting my kid to be born on August 4th or 29th. 

Growing up in those types of places with ragged couches meant a lot of love.

She stays ready so she doesn't have to get ready. No matter what side of town you have to escape to.

Entrusting my child to the safest choice in an insane world.

The Knife.

The Combat Boots. The pants. the ready for war monochromatic outfit on a beautiful summers day. Yes, Serve LEWKS!

Do you just enjoy the moment when you know its going to end?

You want us to hate on the little rich black boy who still has to see his father almost gunned down?

My son can't be Myles Dyson either. or Danny Dyson. 

Lowkey this woman going on a rampage is part of a breakdown women go thru in breakups. Or a Manic Episode. Or Meth Binge

Being terrified of taking a life because every life built was built on the blood and sweat of a woman & without a woman breaking her body, can life come forth. Hating that every life lost in a war signed by a  man, his body did not create. Wars are the utmost disrespect to the pain of a woman & i refuse to make my child part of this wheel.

We get closure knowing that the remainder of The Dyson Family survived in later movies.

Panicking in a clean room with no way out.

Monday, March 20, 2023

Spoonful from a Spoonie- Driving

Pinterest Board- Ride Like That 

Hello my beautiful Flames,

I hope everything is great with you. In this post I'm going to answer the question I've been asked a lot: "Why don't you drive?"

Because its none of these cars!!!!!!
https://www.pinterest.com/indigo_flame/ride-like-that/


Lol. Seriously, yes, but actually no. My big Brother calls me Boujie because I don't drive when UBER exists and I only go Home & to work & everything I want or need can be delivered, so Like, whats the point?

Currently its this new medication, Benlysta, is 1 of 2 medications where it is advised on the label: Do Not Operate Heavy Machinery while using this medication.
Don't forget to mention the allergy medication which can cause cardiovascular abnormalities, the pain pills, and the natural side effects from Lupus itself.

so far I'm experiencing Light Sensitivity in eyes and head

Numbness and Cramps in legs & Toes

Chest tightness

dizziness

Thirst

Spasms (hands, toes,

loss of balance

sudden loss of mobility

Cotton wool

this is all after the previous stomach medication used for Colitis that caused Temporarily Blindness. Do you see how this affects most of my body?

If you've been on these types of medications from the age of 11, you would really worry about these symptoms happening all at once while behind the wheel of a car. From a young age I've had to wonder how my chronic illness can affect others. Its for my safety and yours.
Today I had them all happen at once to where I'm sure it looked like I was having a seizure on camera & in front of my coworkers, as I couldn't move my feet, legs, hands, neck or lips. It could have been a seizure...? I did have those at one point as well. 

Any other silly questions? I'd like you to follow my pinterest page: Lovin' Spoonful for all the funny memes that I've compiled about being a woman with lupus.  I hope you find it enjoyable. Laughter is the best medicine in my mind, besides Cannabis & popsicles. 

My recent doctor appointment on the 13th with the PA instead of my normal Primary care Specialist turned me into an angry black woman when they didn't want to draw my blood, but instead wait 2 weeks until my next infusion. Made more sense to me to check the bloodwork and see if this medication is working before we load up with another dose & it makes things WORSE. The symptoms listed above, that I've been having lately have gotten worse & my blood pressure was spiked abnormally during that appointment. Turns out, I also have an infected Gum/Tooth that will be looked at this week, hopefully. Being an introvert that has to advocate for myself is the scariest part of life for me right now. I do not recommend. These infusions are a living nightmare for me: I've been looking at my actual future I did not want since the age of 11. I just wanna continue to be a Pink Unicorn filled with Cheese, Potatoes and THC. 

Again: This is not sponsored nor is any copyright infringement intended.

Don't forget to follow my instagram page: @indigo_flame

facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TriangularRainbows

etsy: https://www.etsy.com/people/DeeTreechild?ref=hdr_user_menu-profile

Pinterest: https://pin.it/SYlCJyf

If you have a problem, smoke about it. 

Peace!☮☮☮☮☮

Sunday, March 5, 2023

Passion Projects- Doll House



Hi everyone,

I hope you are having a wonderful day. For me, unfortunately, I woke up with yet another passion project in my head. This time its my Dollhouse Passion. Since I was 11, Dollhouses have brought me comfort as a major distraction from my Chronic Illness: Lupus. I would escape my hospital room and be wheeled to the corridor where the DollHouse existed and find all the little details never noticed before. 

They were indicative of the kind of orderly house I've always wanted: Neat, but lived in. Homey, but classic. Always something to look at, always something to craft, create or cook.

Over the years, I've admired styles and Dollhouse Connoisseurs from the early stages on youtube & found a few I admire. They've done smaller builds than I anticipate but their ideas have gotten a much larger fire re-ignited than I thought possible. Since I attempted the very first Barbie Build, the world has expanded so much more than I could have hoped when I was a kid.

 
etsy.com has so many shops dedicated to the decor of Dollhouses and my dream is to find all the items for Barbie, Addams Family & Austin Powers & my personal Build: An architects nightmare which is a combination of all 4, with a Bohemian vibe plus the Betelgeuse house. Bwa-haha!!!
Check out my dollhouse ideas on Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/indigo_flame/dollhouse/ 

Its gotta have a rooftop garden, roller skate carpet, a chicken coop, adorable Tea Set, fairytale core touches... I can't wait to start this new build. Steps are going to be included, even though they are my absolute enemy both in crafting and real life. 

Check back in a few months to see if I've made any progress at all, besides collecting the boxes for this new design. But this has to happen after I finish the caulk on the tub. in my actual house. Lol. 

Wish me luck!


Don't forget to follow my instagram page: @indigo_flame

facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TriangularRainbows

etsy: https://www.etsy.com/people/DeeTreechild?ref=hdr_user_menu-profile

Pinterest: https://pin.it/7kBGT2G

If you have a problem, smoke about it.

Saturday, February 25, 2023

The First One

 Welcome to this Blog.

I obviously am chock full of problems & couldn't decide on one name. This blog will be Multifaceted with simple details, pictures and life experiences as an artistic human with Lupus who medicates with Cannabus. You will be reading about a lot of randomness that happens in my life, (hopefully) helpful details about surviving with Lupus, life behind the scenes at one of the busiest dispensaries in Maryland, and using this as my personal journal to help sort my medication induced ADHD.

Thanks for stopping by.☮

Spoonful from a Spoonie- Present in Pain

 Hello my beautiful flames. As always, I hope you are well.  What I am focused on this week is letting everyone know my exact pain levels so...